Updated: Apr 1
"What an imagination! I should send you to the tickle-torture chambers for getting me all worked up! However, I wish to make you my royal storyteller. Take her to the minstrel tent!” King Golith, Isasnora Snores.
Dear Readers, The past two weeks I’ve interviewed two of Isasnora’s friends - King Lovel and Humple Dumple. This week I thought you might want to hear from one of Isasnora’s enemies – no, not Lemonella, her cousin, but King Golith, who waged war against King Frederick the Fifteenth and the Kingdom Calelind. If you read Isasnora Snores, you would know what had happened to King Golith. If you haven’t, know that King Golith is now living deep below Calelind. I needed permission from King Frederick the Fifteenth to enter the dungeons for this interview. After a lengthy conversation with King Frederick the Fifteenth and an agreement to interview him next week, he consented to my meeting with King Golith. Though many are forced to stay home during this Coronavirus outbreak, my time machine is hidden in a secret place, and I’m able to travel back and forth through the centuries. Rest assured, I have not brought back any dangerous illnesses. Boredom might be pounding away at you, but be thankful you’re not living in a dungeon. They smell wormy like it does after a rain storm, and the ground is wet and mucky. All sorts of strange, yucky gunk ruined my pink Chihuahua booties. Dungeon living probably will never make it in any of those home fashion magazines.
As I approached King Golith’s cell, I heard him shouting, “I’m bored, bored, bored! Where is that terrible girl who snores so loudly? She could at least tell me a story!” “Hello,” I said to the king. His crown had shifted to one side of his head; his hair looked like octopus legs tied up in a knot; and his royal purple cloak was torn, and it looked as if strings of yarn hung around him. He stood up and walked up to me. Back then, toothpaste hadn't been invented, or if it had, King Golith did not use it. “Are you here to tell me a story?” I covered my nose. “I’m here to interview you.” “For what?” He breathed heavily, the stench pushing through my hands and marching into my nose. “I’m writing a blog for the children of the time period of 2020.” I shivered. Jaguar onesies and pink Chihuahua booties are not great apparel for dungeon hopping. “Blog? What’s a blog? And what are you wearing? Are you an animal?” His already beady eyes shrunk deeper into his face. “I’m supposed to ask the questions,” I said. “Will you tell me a story then?” He returned back to sitting on a three-legged stool. “You could read my book," I said. “Book! I thought only monks wrote books.” “It’s called Isasnora Snores!”
He jumped up off his stool, and his crown fell off his head. “You! You’re the one who twisted the truth and made that brat Isasnora a hero.” “I’m a journalist by trade,” I answered. “Humph. What’s that?” “So, may I interview you?” He sat back down. “Okay, but will you tell me a story, then?” I agreed. Me: Why do you put pine cones into your ears?
King Golith: Who told you that? Me: It’s in my book. King Golith: It’s my secret. Me: Not any more. Isasnora told me all about the pine cones. You should read the book.
King Golith: I refuse to read that drivel. It makes me look bad.
Me: Well, you are in prison. King Golith: Life is unfair. Do you play chess? Me: That leads me to my next question – Why do you play chess while waging war on other kingdoms?
King Golith: Battles are so dull, besides, I have a short attention span.
Me: But chess requires a lot o deep thinking.
King Golith: Are you trying to figure out my secrets to my chess prowess?
Me: Isasnora told me she beat you all the time. King Golith: More lies! Me: Sir Purple Girple agreed with Isasnora. King Golith: Traitor. I’m bored. Could you tell me a story, now? I pulled out my copy of Isasnora Snores and began reading.